I am not sure whether I would want to procreate and create more of my own. Are there any good reasons I should?
Still undecided, eh? We all have gone through this phase which is quite natural. But it is a huge decision none the less since having a child is an irrevocable act unlike other decisions we may make in our life. We wont be so bold as to tell you what to do. Instead here is a brilliantly devised table prepared by Les and Cher from the United States chapter of VHEMT.
Ask someone why they plan to create another of themselves, and they’ll most likely offer one of the reasons listed in the chart below. Their real reasons are given in the middle, and alternatives to breeding for those reasons are given to the right.
Reasons given | Real reasons | Suggested alternatives |
I can’t help it, it’s a biological urge. | Unexamined motivations. | Institutions await those who can’t control their biological urges. |
Want to give our parents grandchildren. | Still seeking parental approval. | Live your own life and encourage your parents to do the same. |
I just love children. | Out of touch with inner child, and with existing children. | Adopt, step, and foster parenting. Big Brother/Sister. Work with children, teach. |
I have superior human genes. | Doesn’t recognize an oxymoron. Megalomania. | Do great things with your genes, rather than expecting the next cultured batch to do it. |
Need help on farm or in family business. | Too cheap to hire help. Child labor laws inconvenient. | Mechanization gives faster return on investment. |
Want someone to care for me in my old age. | Fear of aging. Exploitative personality. | Save money and prepare for retirement. Be nice to people so they will visit you in the home. |
Pregnancy and childbirth are life experiences. | Life choices limited by social indoctrination. | Rent pregnancy simulator. Choose different life experiences. |
A good family is essential to career advancement and strong standing in the community. | Social insecurity. Wants trophy children to improve social status. | Rent children from talent agency on special occasions. Have white picket fence installed. |
We want to create a life which embodies our love for each other. | Ego, times two, minus imagination, equals three plus. | Garden. Adopt a stream, trail, or hiway. Rescue animals. Protect & restore ecosystems to embody love. |
I want my kids (who don’t exist yet) to have all the things I didn’t have. | Unfulfilled childhood desires and fantasies. | Deal with regrets & make best of life. Provide for existing children. |
To carry on family name. | Trying to please Dad. Duped by bloodline superstition. | Create something enduring & give it family name. Donate blood to pass on bloodline. |
Want to see a little me. | Self-absorption. Lack of ego gratification. | Order custom-made, life-like doll. Create a gratifying life of your own. |
God wants us to. | Mindless obedience to dogma peddlers who want larger flocks. | Seek true nature of God, whatever you perceive God to be. |
My wife/husband wants a baby. | Giving in out of fear of losing partner. | Communicate true desires. Spouse may feel you’re the one who wants to breed. Rent baby simulator doll. |
Want a child with our bloodline. | Ego extension. Racial identity. | Recognize value of people with different genetic makeups. |
It’s a spiritual thing for me. | Other reasons too easily refuted. | Find truly spiritual experiences. |
I’ve always wanted to have children, it’s what people do. | Unquestioned cultural conditioning. | Consider alternatives. Question expectations. Adopt. |
To cement our relationship. | Fear of failed marriage. | Communicate to strengthen relationship. Attend retreats for bonding couples. |
I love babies. | Short-sighted view of reality. | Babies soon turn into children, then adults. Infant care work is available. Life-like infant doll may help. |
Being a mother is a woman’s highest calling. | Beguiled into believing compliance is noble free choice. | Motherhood, and fatherhood, may be achieved without breeding. Many children wait for good homes. |
My child could find a way to save the world. | “Mother of God” complex. (Also applies to men). | If you want something done right, do it yourself. |
We’d like to try for a boy/girl this time. | Ego extension. Gender identity insecurity. Dissatisfaction with existing offspring. | Appreciate who you have, they might resent their sibling whose gender is preferred. |
I just want to. | Just wants to. | Choosing to breed precludes most other things you’ll just want to do. |
I want someone who will love me and not leave me. | Fear of rejection. Unresolved relationship issues. | Give love to get love. Accept change and deal with loss. |
Our economy needs young workers to replace retired workers. | Willing to sacrifice offspring to gods of National Economy. | Automation reduces need for wage slaves. Consider rights of unconceived to stay that way. |
The world needs more of us or we’ll be outnumbered. | Elitism. Xenophobia. Eugenics easier to conceal than genocide. | Convert others to your views so there’ll be one more of your kind and one less of Them. |
We may as well, the planet is doomed anyway. | Nihilistic natalism. | Consider ethics of sentencing an innocent person to life, and death, in ecological collapse. |
I’d like to achieve a sense of immortality. | Fear of death and non-existence. | Accept mortality. Spread memes not genes. Socrates’ heirs are not apparent, but his ideas linger strong. |
My biological clock has gone off. | Women’s normal heightened sexual desire in 30s & 40s difficult to accept in puritanical societies. | Disarm that culturally-implanted mental time bomb. It’s okay to make love and not babies. |
I don’t know. | Never thought about it. Unthinking conformity. | Think before you breed, and you might not. |
I might regret not having had the experience later, when it’s too late. | Fear of future worries and life passing too fast. | We can’t experience everything. Far better to regret not breeding than to regret breeding |
I do not want to deny my kids (who do not exist yet) the joy of existence. | Ignoring lack of joy in existing children. | Promote existence of joy rather than imagining joy in mere existence. |
Procreation has traditionally been a source of personal empowerment for women. | Feels powerless. Desires power and respect society appears to give to mothers and withholds from others. | Mothers get more lip service than respect. Picking up family’s slack is not empowering. Seek self-defined sources of power. |